sacha chua - geek - girl
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Sacha Chua's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, July 23rd, 2007 | | 3:46 pm |
Am I really almost done?
2 years. 73 pages. 16,394 words. Am I really almost done? I've spent the last two years of my life working on my master's degree. My thesis defense has been booked for August 8. I'm putting the finishing touches on my thesis about using Web 2.0 to find expertise. Tomorrow, I'm going to wrestle with page numbers and formatting. On Wednesday, I'll print out my thesis for my committee members. Can I really be so close to finishing? And am I really so close to being able to do all the things I've been planning to do once I get out into the Real World? Watch out! This will be fun! Photo (c) 2007 annia316, Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 license | | Wednesday, April 25th, 2007 | | 10:58 am |
| | Monday, April 23rd, 2007 | | 1:51 pm |
Energized and inspired
One of the best things about being a student is giving myself the permission and the space to be stopped by wonder. When the universe wants to tell me something, it makes sure that I don't miss the message. And today, although I could have fretted about my usability studies or panicked about my research, I took a moment to let myself feel energized and inspired. A blog post by Luis Suarez led me to Read This Blog! » 24 amazing hours, an account of an IBMer's experience at the recently-concluded TLE conference in Anaheim: Technical skills are short-lived; what’s important is learning how to learn, and how to make the world a better place.
The comments led me to this talk given by Benjamin Zander, one of the keynoters at the TLE: The conductor of an orchestra doesn't make a sound. My picture appears on the front of the CD, but the conductor doesn't make a sound. He depends for his power on his ability to make other people powerful. And when that happened, it changed everything. People in my office said, "What happened to you, Ben? What happened?" I realized that my job was to awaken possibility in other people. 'Course, I wanted to know whether I was doing that. You know how you find out? You look at their eyes. If their eyes are shining, you know you're doing it. If the eyes are not shining, you get to ask a question. "Who am I being that my players' eyes are not shining?" You can do that with our children too. "Who am I being that my children's eyes are not shining?"
...
The new leader is the one who, first of all, can distinguish the downward spiral, and then has the power to take people from there to here, radiating possibilities.
I am going to be someone like him someday. That's what I want to do with my life. That's what I have to do with my life. I want to inspire people. No,not just inspire... transform. Hey! You can get transcripts of all the presentations at TLE, and maybe they'll put the audio up someday too. (Although it won't be anywhere close to the experience of being there!) Check out http://podweb1.atlanta.ibm.com/te7/content/index.html. Ben Zander's on page 15 of MNT-418-X Main Tent April 18th, 2007. From the introduction: " Ben Zander, the distinguished conductor of the
Boston Philharmonic and guest conductor of many of the world's greatest
orchestras, is so consumed by his work, enraptured by music, that Yo-Yo Ma
jokingly speculates he was probably captured by aliens. He is the Energizer Bunny of classical music; so much
energy, so much zest wherever he goes, that he is trying to change the world
with music. " Wow. | | Monday, April 16th, 2007 | | 12:50 pm |
| | Monday, April 9th, 2007 | | 12:02 pm |
LJ Friends
I finally got around to adding my ex-boyfriend to my LiveJournal friends list, which allows him to see my friends-locked posts. After some thought, I decided not to go back and revise the past. Those thoughts were true for the moments they were written in, but they may not be valid now. Looking back, I realize that I probably should've pushed back more, shared more of what I'd written instead of just dealing with things myself. So much to learn... | | Wednesday, October 25th, 2006 | | 1:26 am |
| | Friday, October 13th, 2006 | | 1:49 am |
I love him! My heart bursts from my inability to say how much. I can only hope that this lifetime gives me enough opportunities to magnify him. | | Tuesday, October 10th, 2006 | | 4:52 am |
Hot chocolate, Sacha-speak
The other day, I was working from Simon's place. Dan was there too. Dan was having tea and Simon was having beer, I think. I headed to the kitchen after writing a lot of e-mail. They offered to fix me something to drink. I pulled out the hot chocolate and made myself a cup. While I waited for the water to boil in the microwave, Simon stopped, thought for a bit, asked me if it was a hot chocolate day, pulled me into a hug, and asked what was wrong. Awwww. =) | | Monday, September 11th, 2006 | | 11:23 pm |
Things to be grateful for
I'm worried about tomorrow, but I'm glad that I'm doing this wild experiment with friends who'd still be there even if I mess up. I'm glad I had the opportunity to connect with so many different people over the past few days. I'm glad I went to that party on Saturday. It was a hugfest. =) Thursday... Thursday, I am *so* going to need some quiet time, hot chocolate, a good hug. I want to go deeper, not just wider. A few more days and I can refocus... | | Sunday, September 3rd, 2006 | | 12:27 am |
Can people learn to have a positive attitude?
How can people learn to see everything in a positive light? Can they learn it, or is it something innate or difficult to change? Something worth thinking about, because I have no idea what the right thing to do might be. Something feels a bit off. I suppose I can always just go on as much as I can and trust my intuition for the rest. It's odd... | | Sunday, July 9th, 2006 | | 12:35 pm |
And that was that.
Still have much to learn about people, it seems. Still have much to learn. | | Tuesday, February 21st, 2006 | | 5:04 pm |
In Boston
In Boston. No broadband at home. Connecting from public library. =) Hi! Wait for stories at the end of this week - flying back to Toronto on Sunday. Excited! | | Thursday, January 19th, 2006 | | 3:30 pm |
Blogging again from Hong Kong
All airports should have free Internet terminals. 'Nuff said. Thanks again to all the wonderful people who spent time with me this vacation! =D It was the best vacation ever. (And maybe the worst sinigang, but hey... ;) ) | | Monday, January 2nd, 2006 | | 4:17 pm |
Happy New Year--and a very happy one it is!
Last night turned into another impromptu sleepover, with Clair, Marcelle, Diane and Mark coming over to help me feel better and of course to hang out. =) Ranulf dropped by later in the evening. Di and Mark left shortly after Ranulf arrived, as Di needed to go to her condo. I was very, very, very, very glad to have friends I can talk to about very sappy things... =) We watched "Love on the Rocks", a cheesy Chinese movie that would probably have been even cheesier if we knew what the characters were saying. English subtitles weren't available for some reason, so we missed out on what seems to be the biggest thing in the movie: all the existential musing on what love is and what women want, yada yada yada. If you're going to watch it without subtitles, read film reviews first so that it makes sense. After that, we stayed up a bit and talked a while. That was wonderful. We moved the mattress to the living room so that we could stay up late without worrying about people needing to use the studio, and we just chatted. Clair told us about her plans for the next year (very interesting! I wish her all the luck she needs!) and Marcelle and Ranulf shared stories, too. We went to bed at around 4, although I think Clair and Ranulf chatted a bit more. The next day, after a good breakfast and some chatting, Clair went to work and Marcelle, Ranulf and I went shopping! Ranulf and Marcelle were exceedingly well-trained by their female friends, and willingly accompanied me shopping as I tore through Landmark and part of Glorietta looking for girly stuff. I checked every single shelf in Landmark and tried all the shoes that struck my fancy. I picked out three pairs of shoes, three pairs of earrings (red, green, and blue), two skirts, one top, and a decent-sized collection of headbands. And yes, I felt very, very much loved, being very patiently accompanied with absolutely no complaints and even the occasional reassuring "It looks good..." Wow. Now that's something. | | Friday, December 30th, 2005 | | 9:50 pm |
Big fire right next door. Don't worry, we're okay
There was a big fire right next to our house. Don't worry, we all made it out and the fire is under control. My computer and my phone are in the office, though, so don't panic if I'm not answering. Story and pictures to come later. Current Mood:  calm | | Wednesday, December 21st, 2005 | | 8:12 am |
| | Monday, December 5th, 2005 | | 1:25 pm |
Ten things that bring me joy
- Aha! moments in other people, particularly if I can take some credit. ;)
- Aha! moments in general.
- Letters, postcards, e-mail and other thoughts.
- The laughter of friends.
- The tears and troubles of friends. You can be happy in front of acquaintances, but you can truly be weak and yet loved only in front of friends.
- Contented silence and the feeling of timelessness.
- A day well lived.
- A tomorrow yet to come.
- Knowing I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend.
- Knowing that the world gives me so many opportunities to love and make a difference.
Tagging ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mistervader, jmibanez, johnsu01, headgeekette, richip | | Monday, September 26th, 2005 | | 1:44 am |
| | Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 | | 10:53 am |
When I saw my mom at the breakfast table, I pointed out the article Dominique had written. The mushy article had earned a "Sacha, gross!" from Kathy. I didn't expect my mom to be thrilled about it, but I was a little giddy because of the article. She knows I normally read only the editorials, but I wanted her to know that I knew about this article. I also wanted her to know that I didn't mind bringing it to her attention and that I didn't mind including the article in my news scrapbook. "The only good thing about that is that I know about it," my mom said said as she glanced at the story. She had read Dominique's article before on my blog, so she didn't bother rereading it; she knew what it was and what it said. She must have said something else--"I wouldn't have wanted this," I think--but I was already turning away and heading back inside. It hurt to hear that from my mom. My previous blog post was met with diplomatic silence, so I wasn't expecting her to smile and say that was sweet of Dominique. What had I hoped she'd say? I couldn't think of anything that would fit. I could imagine my godparents oohing and aahing over the story, but not my parents. Someone has to worry. Someone has to fret. Someone has to raise the obligatory objections just in case it doesn't all work out. They're my parents. I'm the youngest child. Even if I was in a relationship with someone closer to my age, they'd worry about all sorts of things: whether he'd rush me, whether he's stable, how he's getting along with his family, what he's planning to do with his career... I knew why her reaction was lukewarm--even chilly--but it hurt anyway. She texted me afterwards. She wondered if she should learn how to edit what she says, and apologized for hurting me. I told her that one good thing about her comment was that it was honest. She respects my decision to be in a relationship, although she's not happy about it. I respect her decision to be unhappy about it, although I think it would be such a pity if she never comes to understand one of the reasons why I'm so happy. I also told her that it isn't about not saying hurtful things, but rather about letting herself see the good things as well. My parents consistently discourage me from considering a relationship: I'm too young, I shouldn't get distracted, I have a lot of work to do... That's why I haven't been able to talk to them about what good I see in something like this. I haven't been able to explain why I'm even considering it. I see so many difficulties in advance, but I also see a lot of things that make it worthwhile. My friends have been so supportive. They've gotten to know Dominique and they think he's cool. They've put up with my missing-my-boyfriend blues and tolerated my sentimental posts. They're teaching me that having a boyfriend doesn't mean that you'll turn away from your other friends, but rather you open up parts of yourself that you didn't know existed before and that you get to know people in a way you hadn't imagined before. I would appreciate being able to share my thoughts with someone older, to see what my experiences have in common with a successful, long-term relationship. I would love to hear about how other people have made distance manageable and how they've dealt with difficult issues. I'd love to learn from their insights. It's not so much asking for advice but rather finding encouragement. In this world of broken relationships, I want to hear from people who have made theirs work. It would be nice to hear my parents say that their relationship with each other has made them better as people and that their partnership has helped them grow, but I understand why they can't deviate from the party line, why they always have to tell me it's a bad idea. I sift through their experiences instead, looking for the lessons they can't teach me directly: how love challenges you to be better, how love is about commitment and not just attraction, how love hurts but makes life worth it. I watch their disputes and learn about issues I should watch out for; their agreements, things I should appreciate. They are not enough for my learning. I need more models for the kind of relationship I want to build. I do not want the sex-obsessed casualness of what seems to be popular culture or the fairytale illusions of the movies. I want something more. I want something deeper. I want the love letters of Tita Naty. I want the laugh-wrinkles around Mrs. Castillo's eyes. I want the thoughtless grace of Terry-san as she danced with her husband. I want the looks that pass between the Pettyjohns. I want that which held these people together even when they fought, even when they doubted. I want silence and solitude with someone who understands the peace within me. I want conversations and shared insights with someone who is not afraid to explore his thoughts. I want to be stretched beyond my boundaries and to love beyond my understanding. Am I being foolish? enamored? idealistic? naive? Only time will tell. And right now, that's all I want--time. | | Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005 | | 7:56 pm |
Reflection: age and kids
kensanata and I are sharing diarist prompts to help us explore our thoughts. He suggested age and kids, and his entry is interesting.
I am 21 years old. By all accounts this is far too early to be
thinking about marriage and children, and indeed, the idea of settling
down is alien to me at the moment. I think about these issues anyway
because I would like my decisions to be well-considered.
I was raised to be staunchly independent. My parents encouraged me to
dream of making a difference and inspiring people through my work
instead of fantasizing about finding the perfect guy. For almost all
my life, in fact, a relationship was out of the question. It was
simply something I didn't need or want. I was determined not to have
children, and thus not to marry, and thus not to fall in love.
It is particularly difficult for me to consider settling down and
having children because, as a woman in technology, I am also a symbol
and a statistic. Many papers have been written about the problems of
women in computer science; how women keep falling out of the pipeline,
how few women earn their master's degrees or doctorates and how even
fewer of them become tenured professors. Statistics paint a bleak
picture.
No matter what I choose, my decisions will always be under scrutiny.
If one of my professors can be somewhat disappointed that I chose to
focus on human-computer interaction--a "soft" computer science topic
instead of a "hard" topic like theory--what more if I chose to have a
family? The modern illusion is that women can have both family and
career, but it's hard to have one without letting the other suffer,
and there will always be questions of unfulfilled potential.
I know that pregnancy and childbirth will interrupt my work. I know
that despite whatever efforts a husband will make to share the
domestic load, I will still be expected to be the primary caregiver,
the one to sacrifice time and career for any children. Whatever help
he gives will be lauded highly, while mine will be seen as only
natural. Even if we work out some kind of arrangement between us, any
employers would still take motherhood into consideration when
considering me for promotions or tenure.
Statistics also bring age into sharp relief. My significant other is
almost 15 years older than I am. Women generally live longer than men.
If I do choose to settle down with him, he will have the best years of
my life during the sunset of his. How difficult it is to look at him
in the present and see his death, and yet he is such that I will
think about it despite my fears.
So why even consider it? Why not simply dedicate my life to teaching
following a celibate vocation? Surely I can sacrifice my personal
feelings in service to the greater cause of education. After all, I
care about my students' learning deeply, perhaps more deeply than
their parents or even they do. Still, a teacher goes home at the end
of the day. Students graduate and go on. A teacher can look forward to
the graduation of a troublesome student; a parent's duty does not end
there. I suspect that children will stretch me far beyond anything I
have ever been or could be on my own. Children teach people what it is
like to be human. They drive people to the extremes of joy and pain.
I am not ready for children yet, and will not be for a long time.
There is still much I need to learn and come to terms with before I
can feel myself mature enough to think about bringing someone else
into the world. My mother drops a lot of hints about 28 being a good
age to get married. She fears I'm in a hurry to settle down or that
Dominique is pressuring me, but she doesn't seem to understand that I
_know_ I am not ready. I feel regret that I must make Dominique wait
for an indefinite time, but I will not hurt him or any future children
by getting into something I am unprepared for.
あの大学はマークシート方式で入学試験を行っている。 That university conducts its entrance examinations using a computer scored answer sheet.
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